Love and Lizards
by cherryflesh
Summary: Rattlesnake Jake/Rango SMUTTY SLASH! If that ain't your cuppa tea, kindly move along to the next fic. There's a new threat to Dirt and Rango has to ask Rattlesnake Jake for help, but hiring a gunslinger has its prize... enjoy!


**Pairing: **Rango/Rattlesnake Jake  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>SMUTTY SLASH! I'll just leave it at that, because c'mon... a rattlesnake is getting it on with a chameleon. If you're alright with that I seriously doubt I'll manage to squick anyone out with anything they do. Oh hey, one last thing: for those of you who are not experts on snake anatomy, apparently snake's have two dicks. FYI. I know, right? Anyway, do _not_ read it if you're not into the pairing and do _not _read it if slash or smut makes you uncomfortable. Easy as pie. :)  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Well, they're obviously not mine. I'm just borrowing it, for the fun. :)

**Aaaaaand let's get on with the story!**

Rango sighed as he trudged his way through the tunnels and underground caves to where Rattlesnake Jake last was said to have been seen. Two nights ago the rats had arrived, a whole gang of them looking to take over the town. Not a small gang either, a whole pack of nasty-looking, black-eyed thugs. Rango had tried to scare them off with bravado, but they had seen right through it and in the end he hadn't managed to save anybody, only buy them all a little more time. The townsfolk all looked to him for protection and he found to his horror that he had none to give.

The truth was that he simply wasn't a good shot, and bravado could only take him so far. The incident had resulted in a sleepless night during which he had been forced to realize some very uncomfortable truths – like the fact that he couldn't protect the good people of Dirt alone. And that as much as he loved to play the hero, he was just one scared little lizard at the core. Beans had dutifully patched him up after the beating the rats had given him, but he had seen the disappointment in her eyes and shame had tied his insides into knots.

So here he was , hoping to find the feared gunslinger Rattlesnake Jake. Hoping that despite it all, the crumbs of respect he had detected the last time they met might account for something… something like friendship maybe? Probably not, but it was still something to hope for. And hope was more or less all he had left. He stopped for a moment, leaning against the rock wall. His injuries were easy to hide at least – all the kicking to his stomach and sides had resulted in some nasty bruises, but they were all hidden beneath his clothes. Even the wounds on his back which Beans had sewn back up barely an hour after the rat called Bullwhip Ben had used his trademark weapon on him.

He kept looking, not daring to call out in case the rats used the tunnels.

Rattlesnake Jake wasn't pleased. It had been a month since he left Dirt dragging the unfortunate turtle behind him, and now he was starting to get bored. To make things worse, he couldn't quite get that scrawny lizard sheriff out of his mind. _Rango_, he thought, tasting the name as his tailgun shifted with a rattle. The sheriff had come back, even after Jake had thrown him out himself. He had come back to point a gun at him and that time Jake believed he would have pulled the trigger – the rattlesnake respected that, albeit grudgingly. But something was off with the lizard; he _was_ a fraud, Jake was sure of it. A strange mix of sincere heroism and utter ridiculousness, and he had to admit that he found the odd combination intriguing.

Of course, that was all mixed with a little bit of seething hatred. Being tossed several feet into the air by a spray of water and chased by bats will have that effect. Rango had tricked and humiliated him, and as much as he actually _liked _that skinny little nothing there was a score to settle. The how of it he had yet to decide. He tasted the air with his tongue and grinned. Seemed like Fate had dealt him a good hand…

Rango heard the slow rattle of the tailgun and shivered but quickened his pace.

"J-Jake?" he whispered into the darkness, feeling along the wall towards the sound. "Is that you? Can, um, can we talk?" The cold stone wall suddenly became a bit warmer to the touch and a lot more… scaly… Rango pulled back his hands with a yelp and gave another undignified sound when a pair of molten eyes appeared right in front of him. It was like looking into two pits of fire.

"Hello _brother,_" Jake said, raising his head and coiling so that he was towering over Rango. He enjoyed shining a spotlight on the lizard's most outrageous lie when he had the chance. Plus, the sheriff blushed so prettily when he did.

"Hi," Rango said with a nervous grin and a little wave of his hand. Jake noticed that the accent had slipped and studied the lizard with a lewd grin. He was beginning to suspect what the sheriff really was. "See, uh, this is the thing, I – uh- I was wondering if you've heard about the rat gangs..? We've had some trouble with them in Dirt."

"Don't bother me none," Jake replied, shifting his coils lazily. "I eat them vermans if dey bother me." Rango's face fell.

"Yeah… okay, but say there were a lot of them," he said, gesturing. "And a lot becomes even more until –" Jake snarled and moved to encircle him.

"Get to the point, or I might jus' lose my patience," he hissed, fangs half extended close to Rango's face. Rango flinched and stumbled and just like before when he walked into the desert alone he seemed so lost.

"We need you, Jake," he said helplessly. "I can't fight them off by myself." The rattlesnake chuckled darkly.

"Ya got a lot o' nerve, sheriff." Rango took a bold step forward.

"Ya once said tha' Dirt was your town," he said and Jake noticed that the accent was back. "Well, if tha's true it's your job ta defend it!" At this Jake laughed out loud, a throaty guffaw that sent chills down Rango's spine.

"I'mma gunslinger, ya fool," he said with a sneer. "I got ma price." Before his eyes Rango seemed to shrink.

"Well, okay… so what's your price? Water maybe..?" he suggested and Jake snorted.

"Water's easier ta come by than dirt these days," he said. "Ain't gonna buy you nothin' no more." Rango swallowed hard.

"Then what do you want..?" he asked, sounding so small that Jake for a fleeting moment almost felt sorry for him. Almost. He grinned at Rango, a horrible sharp-toothed smile that made the sheriff tremble.

"You," he said, basking in the fear and confusion that radiated from the lizard. "When I own ya body an' soul the town's under my protection." Rango stared at him blankly, the full meaning of the situation not quite hit home yet.

"What does that mean..?" he asked, with a mental image of him running errands to the rattlesnake playing in his head. It wasn't too bad, he reasoned. But Jake chuckled.

"Means I _own_ ya, _brother,_" he drawled. "Means I mate with ya when I feel like it, means I get ta do whatever I want wit' ya." Lightning-fast, he coiled around the skinny lizard, shuffling him along his coils as if he was a puppet. Surrounded by the warm coils, Rango struggled to remain standing.

"Wait!" he said, voice slightly shrill as he tried to scramble away when Jake lowered his head and dragged his black tongue over the lizard's neck. The rattlesnake was pleased at his victim's shiver and leered down at him.

"Don't know why ya so upset," he said. Rango stared at the rows of sharp fangs in the snake's leer. "After all, ya was a _pet_ before ya was a sheriff, ain't that right?" Rango's eyes widened and he stuttered a denial that made the snake chuckle. "Now now, tell ol' Jake the truth. 'S part of the deal, not servin' me the same lies ya tell yer little friends." The burning eyes hardened. "Tell the truth. _Say it!" _ he said harshly and Rango flinched and mumbled something. "Speak up," Jake ordered, almost softly.

"I was a pet," Rango admitted quietly, unable to look the snake in the eye.

"That a boy," Jake said and dragged his black tongue over Rango's cheek. "And now you're _my_ pet." Rango seemed to shrink but nodded.

"O-okay. If, um, if you'll protect Dirt then I'm… um… yours." Rango's accent had vanished again and as Jake watched Rango seemed to fade entirely, leaving a small green pet lizard caught in his coils, looking forlorn and nervous. Jake stared, annoyed with himself for feeling protective. His tailgun shifted irritably and gave off a rattle that made made the lizard flinch.

"Time ta seal t'deal, boy," Jake said and felt a rush of anticipation. "Get them clothes off." Rango tried to stand.

"Maybe…" He slid downwards with a yelp, only to be caught by another coil, steadying him. "Maybe we can do it with me wearing clothes..?" he suggested carefully and Jake snarled.

"Take them off!" Rango hurried to comply, discarding the garments with stiff movements without looking at the snake. When he was done a few long seconds passed during which he was scrutinized by those hellfire eyes. "Who did this?" Jake said finally with deadly calm. Rango swallowed hard.

"I fell off-" Before he had time to finish the sentence Jake hissed violently, shoving his face an inch from Rango's, venom-filled fangs out. Rango pressed himself against the scaly surface of his coils.

"_Another lie past yer lips and I swear by fires of the black pit I'll fuck ya on yer back 'til yer stitches pop!"_ he roared and Rango trembled, shaking his head.

"The rats!" Rango said quickly, heart pounding. "They jumped me, that's all, I promise!" He glanced at Jake and noticed that he had retracted his fangs but his upper lip curled up in a grimace of fury as he studied every livid bruise across the lizard's chest. Instinctively Rango's camouflage reflex started to kick in and his body started to turn into darker shades to hide the bruising. Jake's exhale was a cross between a sigh and a growl.

"Stop that," he said and Rango shrugged helplessly.

"I can't."

Jake let it go, instead using the tip of his tailgun to nudge his shoulder, turning the other around so that he could have a closer look at the damage on his back. His lip curled again and he let his tongue flicker out to taste the air around the wounds. No infection, at least.

"Be some pretty scars you get on your back there," he mused. Rango turned to look at him over his shoulder.

"Yeah. Manly, right?" he said hopefully and Jake stared at him. _The lizard is unbreakable._ He chuckled, pulling back a little to give him some space.

"Ain't gonna mate with ya, boy. Ya can put yer clothes on." Rango's face fell at Jake's words, but he put his clothes back on.

"Does that mean the deal's off?" he asked. "Because maybe there's something else I could do? Uh…" He tried desperately to think of something. Sadly, his experience was limited to those with his friends in the glass box, and to be honest those had been, well… non-existent. His knowledge of courtship and mating was all from the stories in the box, the box with moving images he could glimpse from his home. And he doubted that Jake wanted him to find a poetic likeness to his eyes. Well, one of the tall ones used to go downstairs and watch human mating stories on the box, the more physical kind. He was pretty sure he could do that, although… as he looked at Jake he was beginning to wonder how things would… fit. "Er…"

Jake watched Rango stutter his way through the suggestion, sorely tempted to get him to use his hands or his mouth to get him off. He licked his lips. What the hell.

"Don't ya worry none, I'll protect ya," he drawled. "I'll keep ya both safe, you an' yer little town. An' in return, yer _mine_." To his delight Rango shivered at the word. "An' if I find out you've been givin' it away on the side…" In one swift motion he had encircled the lizard so that he was surrounded by the scaly coils. He leaned in close so that his black tongue flicked across Rango's face like a light slap. "…there will be hell ta pay," he finished softly, but Rango could hear the deadly undercurrent. He stared into the fiery pits of Jake's eyes and did the only thing he could think of; he leaned over and pressed his mouth to the snake's. The eyes widened and for a moment he thought the snake would recoil. Then the moment was gone and Jake reared up, taking control as he pushed the tip of his tongue into the lizard's mouth. Rango tipped backwards and his back came in sharp contact with the scaly surface behind him, causing pain to flare up. He whimpered and Jake broke the kiss, staring at him with eyes that seemed alive with hunger. "Don't go startin' somethin' that ya can't finish," he hissed and nudged him forward to see if he had torn any stitches. He hadn't.

"I didn't mean to," Rango said, suddenly a bit unsure. "I only meant that maybe I could, um, do something else to make you, um…" That did away the last part of Jake's patience and he shifted his coils so that his two members could emerge.

"Go ahead, _brother_," Jake said with a leer that was so suggestive it brought a flare of red to Rango's cheeks as his gaze flickered between Jake's and the twin members. "Let's see what ya can do." Rango hesitated for a moment, trying to get over the stab of panic at the sheer size, and reached out to touch one of them. They were already wet and his hands slid easily over the soft scales. A long, hissing exhale told him that Jake was enjoying himself. He continued to massage them, first the one and then the other, rubbing and caressing as he felt them throb in his hands. Every movement resounded inside him, until he realized he was rock hard himself. "Get yer clothes off," Jake said suddenly, his voice a deep growl with a hidden urgency. Rango did what he was told and soon crawled naked on his hands and knees over the warm coils, touching the members again to the snake's pleasure. In the heat of the moment Rango leaned over and licked the slick head, running his tongue over the length while rubbing the other one. He moaned softly, putting as much of it into his mouth as possible while instinctively rubbing himself against the rougher scales.

Jake watched him through half-lidded eyes, holding back the urge to flip the lizard over and thrust himself into the tight passage he could only glimpse beneath the curved tail… the snake's grin was positively perverse as he watched _his_ Rango writhe on his belly, seeking friction while sucking Jake off.

"That's it, _brother_," he said hoarsely and Rango's body turned a nice shade of red. "Enjoy yerself." He lowered his head and dragged his black tongue over the lizard's opening, stopping to tease it with the tip, stab gently at it until it stopped twitching. Rango pulled the throbbing member out of his mouth long enough to gasp for air and moan.

"Jake… _please_…" He didn't know what he was begging for at that point. The sensations were burning, confusing, shameful, and completely and utterly impossible to resist. The dark chuckle behind him almost pushed him over the edge. Instead he dove forward, licking and sucking while almost sobbing from his own sensations.

It became a race, of sorts – each of them pushing the other towards release, each upping the stakes. In a way, Rango would reflect long afterward, it felt a bit like their face-off in Dirt, them closing in on each other, coaxing the other to shoot.

Jake won. He stopped teasing the tight opening and let his tongue slide in a bit. The suggestive intrusion sent Rango over the edge, his scream stifled by the massive member in his mouth. The contractions around Jake's tongue made him come as well and he gave a strangled shout as he emptied himself in the lizard's mouth and over his body. They both collapsed in a heap and Jake watched the tiny lizard sprawled semi-unconscious on his belly, tail still twitching protectively around his invaded behind in a way that made Jake smile. _Ain't seen nothin' yet, boy._

After a while Rango got up and moved stiffly in search of his clothes. His body ached horribly but he didn't think that he had made anything worse. His skin crawled from the sudden sensation of being watched and he turned to find Jake's burning stare locked on him. Rango gave him an unsure smile and Jake moved closer, grinning as he studied Rango closely.

"Nothin' torn," the snake drawled and gave the blushing lizard a suggestive leer. "Must not be treatin' ya right." Rango didn't know what to say to that and for the life of him he couldn't turn back to green from red right now. He concentrated on putting his clothes back on. Jake slithered to the cave entrance, tailgun rattling as he considered the rats. "I'll escort ya back ta Dirt," he told Rango. "Even though there ain't a soul alive who would dare touch ya now." Rango walked over to him.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently as he buttoned up his shirt. Jake lowered his head so that they were face to face.

"I mean, _brother,_" he breathed. "that ya smell all over like rattlesnake seed." He watched amused as Rango's face turned from red to white to red again.

"I-I gotta wash up..!" Rango stuttered and looked about ready to faint. Jake chuckled and dragged his tongue over his cheek, pleased that the lizard didn't cringe away from him.

"Calm down, would ya. Said I'd keep ya safe, didn't I?"

Together they made their way back to Dirt. It took a while for Rango to convince the townspeople that Rattlesnake Jake was there for their protection, but eventually they relented, watching the snake fearfully and taking the long way around him while walking past. And Jake kept true to his word, patrolling the surroundings, only entering the town for a drink or two. He nodded at the sheriff but otherwise kept his distance, which confused Rango something horrible. Hurt him too, late at night when he could admit it to himself.

And he knew that somewhere at some point the rattlesnake would claim his prize, a thought that both thrilled and terrified him.

**Author's note:  
><strong>I watched Rango for the first time only a week or so ago. Yeah, I know, I'm late. Anyway, the chemistry between Rango and Rattlesnake Jake just begged for this. I don't even know why I let Rango get beaten up so badly - I guess I was curious about how Jake would react to having his... ahem... territory invaded.

Oh, and a special thanks to a friend over at DA who revealed to me that snakes have two dicks. I did not know that. After getting the information I felt I had to read up on it, and as far as I can tell it's so that they'll have a better chance of putting it in when they all pile up on the poor girl-snake(or guy-snake apparently) who put out the come-and-get-it-pheromones. Which seems sort of dumb because everybody's got two dicks and... well, you all get it. Anyway, I can drop a spoiler for future fics right now and say that Rango will _not_ get a whole snake pile.

He will have to make do with only one two-dicked snake. Try not to be disappointed. _

So, um. Would anybody like a very obvious sequel in which Jake finally claims his prize? If so, kindly review and make my day! XD


End file.
